Facebook's Ninja Community
by satiric-pandas
Summary: A very thick mixture of insanity, empathy, and enough sexual tension to feed a village for thirty days.
1. Chapter 1

**_This seemed like a good idea at the time._**

* * *

**Naruto Uzumaki** _is now friends with_ **Deidara**.

Comments:

**Sakura Haruno **Why are you befriending the enemy?!

**Itachi Uchiha** The better question is why Deidara accepted his request. I almost thought you were smarter than that.

**Naruto Uzumaki **he requested me, fyi

**Deidara** So I'm not allowed to be friends with people now? Friendship is a true art that only a select few can master!

**Sasori** No.

**Deidara** Shut up, Pinocchio.

**Sasori** I would suggest making a reservation at the hospital.

**Deidara** Oh, I'm so scared of an angry littvlwnfjoflwndbjcKNSNwbjcjvvjd7!?&/

**Sakura Haruno** What just happened?

**Naruto Uzumaki** DEIDARA ARE YOU OKAY COME BACK BUDDY

**Sasori** He probably won't be able to see his computer screen for a while.

**Itachi Uchiha** Did you give him a black eye or something?

**Sasori** No, I spilled a little too much of his blood on the screen.

**Naruto Uzumaki** 0-o

* * *

**Tsunade**

_Anyone want to explain why I'm treating a member of the Akatsuki?_

Comments:

**Naruto Uzumaki** not really its a very emotonal topic

**Ino Yamanaka** So is your spelling. Brings me to tears.

**Tenten** Oh, come on, Ino, he can't help it.

**Naruto Uzumaki** whats that supposed to mean?!

**Rock Lee** Why isn't anyone training with meeeeeeee T-T

**Might Guy **KEEP GOING LEE! DON'T BE DISCOURAGED!

**Tsunade** If you all have so much free time, maybe I need to send you on a mission. A LONG mission.

* * *

**Deidara**

_Finally out of the hospital, gonna teach my man Sasori a lesson._

Comments:

**Sasori** Keep your verbal ticks off of the Internet.

**Deidara** FIGHT ME

**Sasori** No.

**Deidara** SASORI DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY

**Sasori** It appears I already have.

**Deidara** SASOOOOOORIIIIIIII

**Sasori** I'm in the next room, you idiot, just come over if you want a fight.

**Kisame Hoshigaki** Why are you two in the same house...?

**Sasori** I don't need to answer to you.

**Deidara** And suddenly the will to fight is gone.

* * *

**Hinata Hyūga**_ is in_ _a relationship._

Comments:

**Neji Hyūga** WITH WHO?!

**Kiba Inuzuka** Way to go, Hinata!

**Sakura Haruno** Why didn't you tell me?

**Yūhi Kurenai** So you finally landed it with him, huh?

**Neji Hyūga** WHO?

**Naruto Uzumaki** yeah! who is it hinata?

**Kiba Inuzuka** Wait, what?

**Naruto Uzumaki **what did i do?

**Yūhi Kurenai** Well this is awkward.

**Hinata Hyūga** I'm sorry...this was a mistake...I didn't mean to get everyone so worked up...

**Neji Hyūga** Thank God.

* * *

**Orochimaru**

_Trololololololololol_

Comments:

**Tsunade** FUCK YOU

**Sasuke Uchiha** I second that.

**Kabuto Yakushi** Well that was fun.

**Tsunade** I'm going to need a few teams to fix the village gates tomorrow.

**Might Guy** KAKASHI'S TEAM AND MY TEAM WILL

**Kakashi Hatake** Don't volunteer me for things without my knowledge. Also, turn your caps lock off.

**Might Guy** I DON'T KNOW HOW

**Orochimaru** And this is why destroying you all is going to be so easy.

**Tsunade** Shut up before I find you and murder you.

**Sasori** I like the way you think, Lady Hokage.

* * *

**Naruto Uzumaki**—**Sasuke Uchiha**

_ HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY_

Comments:

**Sasuke Uchiha** Thanks, but no thanks.

**Itachi Uchiha** Congrats on being a year closer to death.

**Sasuke Uchiha** A year closer to sending you back to hell.

**Itachi Uchiha** You're still whining about that?

**Sasuke Uchiha** YOU. KILLED. MY. PARENTS.

**Itachi Uchiha** I also killed my parents, so.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Fuck you.

**Itachi Uchiha** What time? ;)

**Sasuke Uchiha** ...

**Naruto Uzumaki** you ruined my post :(

* * *

**Sakura Haruno** updated her status.

_ I sense some unresolved sexual tension in the Uchiha section of this website._

Comments:

**Sasuke Uchiha** WHAT

**Itachi Uchiha **Well...

**Sasuke Uchiha** NO. DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING ELSE. IM GOING TO MURDER YOU.

**Itachi Uchiha **You can do whatever you want with me.

**Sasuke Uchiha** ITAAAAAACHIIIIIIII

**Kisame Hoshigaki** You might want to save your screaming his name for later, mini-Itachi. If you know what I mean.

**Sasuke Uchiha** FML.

* * *

**Naruto Uzumaki**

_what happend to sasori and deidara?_

Comments:

**Deidara** What happened to us...?

**Sasori** We were just busy.

**Itachi Uchiha** With what?

**Sasori** What is that supposed to mean?

**Itachi Uchiha** All I'm saying is that you guys were just a room away and very tense last time you were here.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Why don't you go do something useful with your life while you still can?

**Itachi Uchiha** Oooh, I'm scared now.

**Sasuke Uchiha** You should be.

**Sakura Haruno** And you're still in denial. Just accept the fact like Itachi.

**Sasuke Uchiha** SHUT UP SAKURA

* * *

**Konohamaru Sabutori**

_Heyyyyyyyy everyone! :D_

Comments:

**Naruto Uzumaki** whoa, whoa, whoa, who gave the midget a facebook?

**Konohamaru Sabutori **Stop talking to yourself, you look like an idiot.

**Sakura Haruno** This is why he's my favorite.

**Konohamaru Sabutori **Victory!

**Naruto Uzumaki **I AM GOING TO KILL YOU

* * *

**_Anyway, that's the first chapter. At least it can't get any more random. Leave a review if you want, don't if you don't._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you to everyone who favorited, reviewed, and followed! It means a lot to me!**_

* * *

**Sasuke Uchiha** _has joined_ **The Anti-Itachi Club.**

Comments:

**Itachi Uchiha** That's totally fake.

**Sasuke Uchiha** No it's not. Click the link.

**Itachi Uchiha** I bet you're the only member.

**Kakashi Hatake** No, I'm a part of it too.

**Deidara** So am I.

**Naruto Uzumaki** me too!

**Kisame Hoshigaki** I'm in it.

**Itachi Uchiha** What the hell? Kisame, we're partners!

**Kisame Hoshigaki** Hey, I need a break from your shit sometimes.

**Konan** Kisame's the one who started it.

**Itachi Uchiha** And then you wonder why I want to kill all of you.

* * *

**Sasori**—**Deidara**  
**[video]** _**Aerosmith - "Dude Looks Like a Lady"**_

Comments:

**Deidara** YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE

**Sasori** I know.

**Itachi Uchiha** The accuracy is painful.

**Deidara** Your hair is longer than mine!

**Itachi Uchiha** Yes, but I don't wear eyeliner.

**Deidara** I dare you to insult eyeliner in front of the Kazekage.

* * *

**Gaara**  
_Public service announcement: I don't wear eyeliner._

Comments:

**Rock Lee** Yeah, I totally believe that.

**Naruto Uzumaki** so are you just super tired all the time?

**Gaara** You try going through the shit I do.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Someone's emo.

**Gaara** Like you're one to talk.

**Sasuke Uchiha** I have no idea what you're talking about.

**Gaara** "Oh, my clan was wiped out by my big brother, let me go whine about it and seek vengeance because I'm an avenger!" Sound familiar?

**Sasuke Uchiha** No.

**Gaara** Well at least your dad didn't try to kill you. Multiple times.

**Sasuke Uchiha** THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.

**Itachi Uchiha** You're welcome.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Every letter you type is bringing you closer to death.

* * *

**Orochimaru** _is dead._

Comments:

**Sasuke Uchiha** I take full credit.

**Naruto Uzumaki** awww, but the stuff he wrote here was funny

**Orochimaru** Don't be ridiculous, there's Facebook in the afterlife.

**Sasuke Uchiha** WHAT?!

**Minato Namikaze** He's right.

**Kakashi Hatake** Oh shit.

**Naruto Uzumaki** HEY DAD

* * *

**Iruka Umino**  
_Am I the only one who's actually working, or...?_

Comments:

**Tsunade** Evidently not.

**Iruka Umino** I'm on lunch break.

**Kakashi Hatake** Teachers aren't allowed to be on Facebook at any time they're on duty. Including break.

**Sai** Kakashi-sensei, we can see your phone in your hand.

**Kakashi Hatake** And YOU should be training.

**Might Guy** You're all slackers! At least my team is working hard!

* * *

**Tenten**  
_Team Three's getting some ramen for lunch!_ -with **Neji Hyūga** and **Rock Lee** at **Ichiraku Ramen.**

Comments:

**Kakashi Hatake** What was that you were saying, Guy?

**Might Guy** ...

**Sakura Haruno** We're gonna come join you guys, okay?

**Kiba Inuzuka** Yeah, we're heading over too.

**Ino Yamanaka** Hey, we wanna go too!

**Iruka Umino** And suddenly I fear for the future of this village.

* * *

**Itachi Uchiha**—**Sasuke Uchiha**  
_You can't spell Sasuke without "uke"._

Comments:

**Konan** Will you please go do something productive with yourself?

**Itachi Uchiha** I am being productive. I'm just being productive while shaming my little brother.

**Sasuke Uchiha** I swear I'm straight.

**Naruto Uzumaki** that's not what you said last night

**Sasuke Uchiha** Shut up.

* * *

**Ino Yamanaka**  
_Hey, remember when_ **Sasuke** _and_ **Naruto** _kissed wayyyyy back in the day? Good times._

Comments:

**Sasuke Uchiha** That was an accident.

**Sakura Haruno** I'm not necessarily saying you're gay, but we've seen you kiss a guy and you've pushed away every girl who's tried to make a move on you...

**Naruto Uzumaki** you're just mad because you didnt get to kiss him

**Sakura Haruno** I'm over that now.

**Naruto Uzumaki** that's because you dont know how good of a kisser he is

**Sasuke Uchiha** What. The. Fuck.

* * *

**Tenten**  
_Sleepover tonight!_ -with **Ino Yamanaka**, **Sakura Haruno**, and **Hinata Hyūga**

Comments:

**Naruto Uzumaki** you're having a sleepover?

**Rock Lee** All of you together?

**Ino Yamanaka** Um...yes. Why?

**Naruto Uzumaki** no reason

* * *

_Private conversation between __**Naruto Uzumaki**__, __**Rock Lee**__, __**Neji Hyūga**__, and __**Shikamaru Nara**__._

**Naruto**: men, we must take action!

**Shikamaru**: Ugh... Do we have to?

**Rock Lee**: Yes! Don't you want to know what a girls' sleepover is like?

**Neji**: ...

**Naruto**: meet me by ichiraku asap

* * *

**Tsunade**—**Sakura Haruno**

_So what did these four do to get beat up this badly?_

Comments:

**Sakura Haruno** The usual.

**Jiraiya** Some people never learn.

**Tenten** Will they be all right, Lady Tsunade?

**Tsunade** Yeah, just give it a few days. Or weeks. Or months.

* * *

**Deidara**—**Sasori**  
_You, me, bedroom. Now._

Comments:

**Sasori** Okay, so who got him drunk this time?

**Hidan** WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Konan** These two get drunk so easily. They've only had two shots.

**Sasori** Now what would our leader think if he found out about you three?

**Kakuzu** Four. I'm here too.

**Itachi Uchiha** Make that five, I'm coming.

**Tsunade **Why are we even wasting time fighting you idiots?


End file.
